Spiritual reading: from old grief learn new things

Margi and I on the Jim Rizoli show this spring. Her death hit me much harder than I ever thought possible. It became vital to step outside myself, and examine the disastrous effects of lasting, acute grief on my health and my mission. I know how much Margi believed in our cause, in my mission, and in maintaining good health for our struggle. Grief almost became my killer; my old, egoic mind — the worst enemy any of us has — saw its chance, and tried to rise up and destroy me.

November 29

Today depths of great sadness will be accessible. This does not mean that you need do anything in particular, but should you fnd yourself feeling that grief, you will know that this is in part because the doors that lead to the more extreme manifestations of that emotion are wide open. It can be a very good thing, as you know, to tour your sorrow, to touch on the places where you hold suffering, victimization, disappointment, and regret.

But today, make an extra efort—should you take the tour—not to stay too long or lose the knowledge that you live elsewhere. Getting sucked in will be a snap, so stay on your toes.

Try to visit those old wounds with the intent that you understand something new, something that will help you toward freedom, toward a perfect healing. Just as the doors will be open so that the pain can be easily accessed, so there will be tremendous support for finding relief from it today.

And of course, there are good reasons for that. If you don’t already realize this (and most of you do, we are sure) you are needed and needed in as whole a form as you can be. Your wounds and old injuries make you fearful and reactive from time to time, they take you from your light, from your brilliance, and from your true nature.

Since all these are so needed right now, much assistance is being offered to those who are sincerely ready to heal.

The once laborious and lifelong process of unearthing, owning and healing can be compressed now, just like time in general.

So if you can, take advantage of this day to do some intensive work on the wounds that stop you the most often, that bring you into fear and contraction, that separate and isolate you from others. There will be grace and flow and it is likely that you can let go of things that have been stuck for ages.

Stay in contact with the colors yellow or gold—clothing, stones, leaves. Light candles, make fires—do whatever is possible to keep as much light as you can all around you. When you look deeply, you will find it burning brightly in the heart of your grief, transmuting and transforming.

***

I usually rise at 3 am and light up the dinette (my new office area) and living room. (Any ZOG pre-dawn police raid would find me armed, vigilant, and ready for a bloodbath. My .40 caliber Smith & Wesson pistol lies on the dinette table, ready for any problem. The AR-15 from Ruger with a red-dot scope is nearby.) Though electricity costs are elevated here in the UP, lights do not consume a lot of juice, more things like air conditioners (rare in the UP) and large refrigerators, which take a lot of power to modify the house temperature. On the left is my little shrine to Margaret and a dark-blue box containing her ashes. Since her passing, my life can now belong entirely to our cause again, just as it once did from 1889-1945. In this life, I decided to do the full parent-and-husband thing, which by not doing them in my last life predictably made me seem odd to some people — and gave rise to vicious rumors, especially from my years of tolerating the gay NS Ernst Röhm (thus honoring his truly excellent work on the SA). Without Margi’s ADD now as a messiness factor, the house is now almost immaculate and ready for the great business ahead, yet 801 Michigan Street, Ontonaqon MI 49953 is full of the beautiful plants, rugs, paintings, books, and furniture that my tasteful late wife brought into the house from her late parents’ Victorian house in Asheville, North Carolina. 

***

We have to tell you—in spite of the horrors that unfold in the world around—just how fortunate you seem to us.

To be in form in your world at this moment: it is a tremendous responsibility and yet the love, grace and support for your evolution here and now are breathtaking. Please take a few minutes today to reflect on that.

Alone, and not alone

We are truly honored to be among those who are here to assist and support you. Each new day is an adventure and brings so many miracles. It is an amazing time. We bow to you all, to your
remarkable spirits!

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I have won the battle over grief. This is the BP of a teenage boy.