Triumph of the will over the deadly power of grief; how CoQ10, Cayenne pepper and loving friends turned things around

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I was going through Margi’s computer, since my own has been hacked, and discovered this pic that Margi took of herself a few months back. It was a bit heart-rending. I must say that Margi was brave and stoic, and she never cried once in my presence as her (as it turned out) own death was approaching. But she felt sorrow over the white world, and not just over the whites, And she wanted to live to see my movement for white victory arise…which, ironically, her continuing cancer kept postponing. I dreaded her facing hostile, brainwashed doctors and nurses AFTER it started.  What we both sought was to beat the cancer.  But foot-dragging by her doctor let the cancer grow from Stage I to II to II and then IV (terminal). At that point even the best, smartest and most vigorous counter-measures can be overwhelmed by a highly aggressive tumor.

…..Bereavement

The truth is that my entire family, without one exception, has ostracized me because I am a white supremacist, national socialist and Holocaust revisionist.  And as various members of my extended family died, I felt sadness but not acute grief.

With Margi it was totally different, and simply an incredible shock. It felt like my arm had been ripped off. We had been together all day, every single day, for 13 of the 17 years we were a couple.

Bereavement became the ultimate acid test of my actually firm belief in the reality guardian angels, of deceased loved ones watching over us, and in the teaching of Eckhart Tolle about the power of NOW, which means choosing to enjoy the present good things in life — and appreciating the great people and happenings of the past, not moping to excess over old pain and past tragedies, however searing they were in a past that is over and done with.

Margi is physically gone and there is nothing to do about it but face what is real. Physically, I again am alone after 17 years with a partner that loved me and “had my back,” and the danger to white civil-rights activists from the Biden government is greater than ever.

But now my belief in the help we can get during bereavement from guardian angels, from deceased loved ones, and from the teaching of Eckhart Tolle has been confirmed.

My latest medical test results have been just fantastic!

I was three times in the ER (twice in Ontonagon and once in Hancock) for very scary chest pains, both a stabbing feeling in my ribcage and a ring of soreness around my heart, which like any muscle can become sore.

I also asked to see my ophthalmologist for terrifying eyeball pain in my glaucoma-plagued eyes, a sign of extreme hypertension that could cause ripped retinas and PERMANENT BLINDNESS.

So, would I have a stroke — and end up in a nursing home?

Stroke patient. Paramedic using a portable electrocardiogram (ECG) machine on a 50-year-old stroke patient. A stroke, or cerebrovascular accident (CVA), is the rapid loss of brain function due to a disturbance in the blood supply to the brain.

Or suffer a heart attack and die or be crippled?

Or go blind?

First, some excerpts from this on bereavement https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/bereavement:

Symptoms

A wide and confusing range of emotions may be experienced after a loss.

The bereaved may experience crying spells, trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, or lack of productivity at work [I felt this a bit, a lack of joy and enthusiasm, and I had to durchbeissen, as the Germans say, “bite my way through” a kind of psychological solid rock to do my writing.]

At first, one may find it hard to accept that the loss has actually occurred. Feelings of anger may also arise. The anger may be directed toward doctors and nurses [perhaps correctly!], God, other loved ones, oneself, or even the person who has died.

The grieving person may experience feelings of guilt, with sentiments such as “I should have…” “I could have…” “I wish I had…” Emotions may be very intense, and the bereaved person may have mood swings. These are all normal reactions to loss.

According to the National Cancer Institute, recovery does not happen in a set period of time. In normal grief, symptoms will occur less often and will feel less severe as time passes. For most bereaved people having normal grief, symptoms lessen between six months and two years after the loss.

Is bereavement a disorder?

It is normal to experience profound sadness after the loss of a loved one, including symptoms such as insomnia and poor appetite. The DSM-5 terms this experience “uncomplicated bereavement” and describes it as a topic that may be a focus of clinical attention.

The DSM-5 also proposed Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder as a condition for further study. This disorder would describe those who experience distressing symptoms of bereavement such as persistent longing, intense sorrow, and preoccupation with the death more than a year after the death of a loved one.

Does everyone follow certain stages of grief?

The five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—was a model put forth by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. This model initially described people coming to terms with their own terminal illnesses, yet it spread to describe all forms of loss. Subsequent work has demonstrated that people grieve in different and varied ways—there is no one way, and no “right way,” to grieve.

The reaction to loss will, in part, be influenced by the circumstances surrounding it and one’s relationship to the deceased.

Losing a Family Member

The loss of a long-term romantic partner or spouse can be especially challenging. The surviving partner may have to deal with a multitude of decisions regarding funeral arrangements, finances, and more, at what feels like the worst possible time to have to deal with such matters. The bereaved partner may also have to explain the death to children and help them through their grief.

The death of one’s child, regardless of the cause of death or the age of the child, is an emotionally devastating event that can overwhelm a parent. As Mental Health America explains, “A child’s death arouses an overwhelming sense of injustice—for lost potential, unfulfilled dreams, and senseless suffering. Parents may even feel responsible for the child’s death. They may also feel that they have lost a vital part of their own identity.”

The death of a mother or father can have a deep impact no matter what age a person is when it occurs. It is only natural to feel consumed by a combination of pain, fear, and deep sadness at such a significant loss. The specifics of how one grieves will depend on a number of personal factors, including one’s relationship with the parent, religious beliefs, previous experience with death, and whether or not one believes it was “time” for the parent to die. The loss of a parent may also mean the loss of a lifelong friend, counselor, and adviser. Therefore, the bereaved person may suddenly feel very much alone, even with the support of other family and friends.

A Loss Due to Suicide

A suicide can produce intense grief in parents, partners, children, siblings, relatives, friends, and others. Coping with bereavement after a suicide can be more difficult than dealing with other losses because of the feelings of shame, guilt, and rejection that are often experienced. The stigma that still attaches to deaths by suicide in many cultures can increase the bereaved person’s sense of isolation and vulnerability.

A Pet’s Death

Animals provide companionship, acceptance, and emotional support. When a beloved pet dies, it’s not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of the sorrow. Other people may find it hard to understand such a reaction to what they may see as the loss of “just” a pet, and they may, therefore, be less understanding of this grief. However, the loss is significant and one should give oneself permission to mourn.

[…]

What types of losses do people grieve?

Bereavement generally brings to mind the death of a loved one, but people can grieve for many different reasons. Sources of grief that are often overlooked include loss of identity through divorce or job loss, loss of safety through trauma, violence, or instability, loss of autonomy through illness, aging, or financial hardship, and loss of dreams or expectations, such as coping with infertility.

What is the difference between grief and depression?

Grief and depression can look similar—people in both situations may struggle with deep sadness, to sleep and eat, and to find enjoyment in life. Yet bereavement more often involves preoccupation with the loss and inability to accept the loss, while depression more often involves feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and suicidal thoughts [which I never had for one moment. Margi would say to me on the other side: “What the hell are you doing HERE? You had work to do down THERE!”]

Another key distinction is that bereavement often leads a community to come together and provide support after a loss [which I have experienced 🙂 ], while depression often encompasses isolation and disconnection.

Treatment

Grief is painful and exhausting. Therefore, it sometimes seems easier to avoid confronting these feelings. But working through sorrow and allowing themselves to express such feelings can help a bereaved person recover.

If you or someone you know is having difficulty coping with a loss, it’s important to seek professional help. While a family physician can often help, grief counseling or therapy may be appropriate. Counseling, which may occur in one-on-one settings with a professional or in a group context, can help someone experiencing normal grief work through the process by, for example, identifying the emotions connected to the loss, helping the bereaved become able to live independently, and illuminating the bereaved person’s ways of coping with the loss.

If the symptoms of grief last for much longer than is typical—or, conversely, if one has few or no such symptoms—the bereaved individual may be experiencing what has been called “complicated grief.” Psychotherapy may be beneficial in such cases. According to the National Cancer Institute, there is evidence that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Complicated Grief Treatment (CGT) can be helpful for those experiencing complicated grief. CBT, which focuses on changing clients’ thought patterns to change their responses to difficult situations, is applied to a wide range of mental health issues. CGT involves setting recovery goals, discussing the death, and making plans for the future.

The American Psychological Association identifies a number of actions that bereaved people can take, on their own or with loved ones, that may help them cope. These include talking about the death with others; accepting the normal feelings that come with loss; minding one’s own health and eating well; and celebrating the life of the deceased person  [which I do every day, and I talk to Margi in the other world]

How can I support a loved one who is grieving?

People can support their bereaved loved ones by listening, asking questions, and sharing memories of the person who passed away. They can offer practical help as well, such as cooking dinner or providing childcare. Rather than encouraging people to find a sense of closure, supporting them as they integrate the experiences into their identity is often more helpful.

What lessons do people tend to learn from grief?

Bereavement is undeniably difficult, yet people sometimes also report that grief provided valuable lessons. People may learn that grief is a normal, necessary, and healthy process, that honoring and replacing what was lost can build resilience, and that loss can illustrate the value of life

people may become more thoughtful, loving, and compassionate after a loss.

I wrote to an Australian supporter of many years:
Dear P,
Thank you very much for your kindness.
I have in fact felt terrible anger and shattering grief over Margi’s unnecessary misery and death due to her (as I have now determined) hostile jewish oncologist. (I read his notes, complaining she was argumentative, non-compliant, and was rejecting his advice for irrational reasons. In reality, all her questions or objections were well-founded, and since when do chemo and radiation guarantee success, or an MRI with gadolinium radioactive dye?  I do suspect, without anything but my instinct and long experience, that he got a handwritten note in her file from a previous oncologist, a black doctor, revealing that she and I were white supremacists [which I do know the black oncologist found out about us from what he said to me].
.
The oncologist in between them (we had three in toto since 2018) was a Hispanic and I, suspect but do not know for sure, a lesbian, and was also rude to us both, and especially to me. When she walked in for the first appointment, she demanded of Margi after seeing me sitting next to my wife: “Who is THIS?” !)
.
Just as bad was my monthly income collapsing after her demise from $3200 down to $800, while the hacking of my website continues — and thus the necessity of spending $1600 a month to keep it up, which I do not have on my own now that the caretaker job has abruptly ended on her death.
.
I went to bed at 7 pm yesterday and slept for a whopping nine hours, until 4 am, when I arose. This was the first time I slept more than four hours in two months.
At the ER yesterday they did all the tests — BP, EKG and blood — and said my BP was excellent and my heart were just fine again!
.
So it seems to be not long-term damage but temporary, stress-induced angina…. and all of it purely of psychological origin.
.
Originating in grief… in bereavement…. and in intense, justified anger that Margi suffered and died when she wanted to live and struggle for white victory right alongside us…..
.
I have actually been following very good advice from friends and supporters, based squarely on their own hard-won experiences with either grief or hypertension, or both… such as getting out of the house, going for gentle walks (no heavy cardio), having a few drinks such as red wine, and doing brief, strenuous weightlifting to stimulate my testosterone levels. (I had been too exhausted from working approximately 20/7 to get a regular, strenuous physical workout in. A very nice gal at Michigan DHS, the Department of Human Services, told me she had “seen so many caretakers of a loved one look neglected and awful after several months of end-stage care.”)
Also a blessing was that a nice lady I met by sheer chance at a gas station (a quality person of German ancestry from neighboring Wisconsin, of family-farm stock, quite intelligent, and also very much up on all the conspiracies, too 😉 ….) gave me, among other gifts, two bottles of natural heart and eye medication, one containing CoQ10….



…..and the other, from Canada, called  “Xtendovite.”

This gal from Wisconsin is especially enthused about the Cayenne pepper in it, because it is excellent for the eyes,

…and also about Valerian, which is sleep-inducing. I had heard about it when I lived in Austria, where it is called by the German cognate word “Baldrian.”

Well, I can say this, that last night was the first time I slept well since Margi died, back on the 12th of September.

AND my ophthalmologist was absolutely delighted, saying my eyeball pressure had gone down from 17 to 14 on the left, and from 16 to 12 on the right! This was my best reading in eight years! Suddenly my blurry vision went completely away!

She also told me this Xtendovite saved the life of her friend Connie, whom I do know myself a bit, and who has run for decades the busiest tavern in town.

Anyway, thank you for your caring questions, and also your years of great support, brother P[] from way Down Under.
.
Margi was always very touched when you sent cards and financial aid, and now she is watching over us all, wanting action. I am now free from caretaking for one noble white woman, who deserved all my husbandly devotion — and now I can care for our whole race.
.

Thank you to all who have prayed for me in my hour of need and given me superb support and advice! I am out of danger; I will never forget this.

Look! From this — STROKE LEVEL high blood pressure:

to this (right column, 2/3rds down). Seeing is believing — 129/67 is the blood pressure of a teenager.
.

6 Comments

  1. Sehr geehrter, lieber John de Nugent,

    Anmerkungen und Ratschlälge sind so einfach gesagt, wenn man sich nicht selbst in der Situation befindet. Und dennoch: Oftmals entfalten die Menschen die nächste Stufe ihres Potentials während schwerer herausfordernder Lebenssituationen.

    Es muß gespenstisch sein, plötzlich wieder alleine im Hause zu sein, wiewohl das absolut nicht zutrifft, Margi (und Princess) werden immer wieder vorbeischauen. Das Vater-Unser-Gebet soll bzw. hat in der Tat einen unmittelbaren Hilfeeffekt, die Schutzengel sind immer für uns da und warten nur darauf, daß wir aktiv den Kontakt mit ihnen kultivieren und ausbauen.

    Gemäß dem Seth-Material von Jane Roberts kann man jederzeit Extraenergie anfordern, von seinem inneren Selbst (vom persönlichen Schutzengel bzw. vom Universum), in welchem Kontext auch immer. Das soll die Konstellation sein:

    Inneres Selbst (Schutzengel) Unterbewußtsein (Übersetzer) Ich-Bewußtsein

    Das Unterbewußtsein übersetzt zwischen dem Schutzengel (inneres Selbst) und dem Ich-Bewußtsein.

    “Star Wars” ist antideutsch aber er enthält eine ausgezeichnete Beschreibung der Befehlshierarchien, hier [1] bei Minute 1:40:

    Obi Wan: “Remember a Jedi can feel the force flowing through him.”
    Luke: “You mean it controls your actions?”
    Obi Wan: “Partially. But it also obeys your commands.”

    Wir bekommen in der Tat richtungsweisende Impulse und Anregungen, die gut für unsere Entwicklung und Lebensziele sind, wir werden in der Tat dazu angeregt, bestimmte Wege zu gehen. Gleichzeitig warten jedoch Unterbewußtsein und inneres Selbst auf unsere Anweisungen, sie warten darauf, daß wir ihr Potential aktiv nutzen, so, wie der Schiffsmaschinist und die Schiffscrew auf Anweisungen vom Kapitän warten, der den Kurs vorgibt.

    “Förderliche” Taten sollen sich zwar leichter im Universum verwirklichen, aber generell haben wir Entscheidungsfreiheit und damit Lernfreiheit. Natürlich, wie die Schiffscrew bei einem Schiff, sollen die inneren Instanzen Vetorechte haben, wenn der Kapitän zu viel Unsinn machen sollte.

    Vor dem Schlafengehen sowie während der frühen Morgenstunden vor Sonnenaufgang sollen beides ausgezeichnete Zeitpunkt sein, um sein Anliegen bzw. seine Bitte bzw. seine Befehle dem Unterbewußtsein bzw. dem inneren Selbst mitzuteilen. Im Seth-Material steht einerseits, daß man nicht auf das innere Selbst hämmern soll, andererseits wird gesagt, daß man möglichst täglich beten solle, damit man die ausgezeichneten Zeitpunkte, an denen die Kanäle nach innen vollständig geöffnet sind (bestimmte Rhythmen) nicht verpaßt, während solcher Zeitpunkte soll die Information direktest auf die andere Seite gehen. (andererseits steht dort geschrieben, daß man mehrere Tage beten solle und dam dem inneren Selbst Zeit geben sollte für die Beantwortung des Anliegens). Es heißt immer, daß dies gegeben sein muß für die physische Wunscherfüllung: Der feste, innige Wunsch. Dann der Glaube an die grundsätzliche Machbarkeit. Und dann die Erwartungshaltung, daß die physische Verwirklichung (bzw. Beantwortung) nun eintritt.

    Man kann komplexeste Sachverhalte, Aspekte und Fragen in einem Textabschnitt defnieren und dann all die Abschnitte und Unterabschnitte usw. zusammenfassen, in einer Frage bzw. zu einem Anliegen, damit auch alle Aspekte bei der Antwort berücksichtigt werden. (Teilfragen, Teilantworten usw.). Dann bittet man um die Beantwortet seines Anliegens, auf das man sich so mit einem Wort bzw. mit wenigen Worten beziehen kann.
    Diese Nachricht kann man zu jeder Tageszeit verinnerlichen. Ausgesprochen soll ein zusätzliches Pluspunkt sein. Dann, zu den günstigen Zeitpunkten (vor dem Schlafengehen sowie in den frühen Morgenstunden), gibt man die Anweisung, auf die man sich nun bequem beziehen kann: “Mein inneres Selbst / mein Schutzengel beantwortet mir jetzt [baldmöglichst] mein [Bezeichnung]Anliegen / meine [Bezeichnung]Frage.”.

    Natürlich kann man auch direkt seine Nachrichten votragen, wie in einem Videobrief, so, wie wenn der Schutzengel vor einem Stünde. Ein Dank an das eigene Unterbewußtsein und an das eigene innere Selbst ist immer sinnvoll (ein einfaches Dankeschön), natürlich gibt es eine implizite Wertschätzung, direkt ausgeesprochene anerkennende Worte zeugen dennoch von noch mehr Bewußtheit.

    Der Weltenkampf ist alles andere als nur ein politischer. Die Negativentitäten versuchen (gemäß verschiedener Quellen) unter allen Umständen, die Wiederentdeckung der inneren Spiritualität zu verhindern, die Menschen sollen weiterhin im reinen Materialismus gefangen bleiben, dafür wird alles nur erdenklich getan, die Bewußtseinsrevolution muß unter allen Umständen verhindert werden. Ahriman/Satan und co sollen das größte Kampfgebot im Jenseits organisiert haben, um die Wiederbewußtwerdung der Menschen um die spirituellen Ursprünge zu verhindern. (nichts gegen die materialistische Schönheiten des physischen Lebens, aber ohne Bewußtheit um die spirituellen Ursprünge bleibt das physische Leben seicht und hohl).

    Ende der Predigt. 🙂

    Fußnoten:

    [1] “Luke Skywalker’s Lightsaber Training – Star Wars: A New Hope 1977”,
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enKhkTmB0OQ

  2. A comrade and regular donor wrote me this email, telling how he had himself a pain in the arm — the classic sign of a heart attack in a man. I guess God had more plans for him! 🙂
    ***

    Dear John,

    I to believe in an afterlife, and I’m sure your late wife is looking over you.
    .
    I myself had a heart attack back in 2008. I was going to work that day, and I had my railway uniform on when I had a pain in my right arm.
    .
    I mentioned it to my sister, and she called an ambulance. They came and took me to hospital. I was actually angry with her for doing this, and I said “I’ve got to go to work. This isn’t a heart attack; it’s just a pain in my arm.”
    .
    Later they did tests, and said to me “Your sister is right. You have had a heart attack.” I was quite shocked. If my sister hadn’t called the ambulance I would have gone to work.
    .

  3. A comrade wrote me on VK:

    ***

    Mark Calvin
    The woman who gave you the cayenne and valerian is an answer to my prayers, that someone exciting and useful would be introduced to you and aid your health. I do not know who she is but I say thanks again. I love cayenne pepper and sauce and eat it daily. It really does help with moods and depression for me by increasing circulation and clearing sinuses. It helps my athletic activity a lot in winter or I would just mope by the heaters. Valerian is the best flower smell and really does help me beat the moonlight insomnia but not always other things that keep me up.
    1
    .
    John De Nugent Aufdeutsch
    Mark, wow, I guess God is staying with me.

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